csa box 1: let the fun begin.

i have been waiting to join a csa (community supported agriculture) for what feels like forever…even though i’m pretty confident it’s only been a few years. i think i first heard about csa’s a few years ago and completely fell for the concept. at it’s simplest: farmer’s sell shares of their harvest. harvest-loving people like me buy a share or half share in exchange for a weekly or bi-weekly bulging box of produce, herbs & the like.  brilliant, right?! upon catering to the total nerdy researcher in me, i read up on different local farms, share options, prices, etc, and i found the *perfect* option for me: loon organics. oh – i was smitten! now i really wanted to join. unfortunately, with all the hulabaloo of last summer/fall, i had to table the idea. but…well…the saying is true: absence makes the heart grow fonder. when this year’s csa sign-up started, i was on it lickety-split!

laura has been awesome to work with from my initial email to communication & newsletters. there was a little hiccup yesterday with picking up my box at the drop off location (loon organics is in hutchinson, and you can pick up at the farm, but they also deliver around the ‘burbs & minneapolis to make it convenient), but she was so generous & accommodating in getting back to me about it. one of the farm employees actually delivered the box right to my house last night! seriously – that’s just how you’d hope things could work out.

i had gotten the newsletter detailing what would be in the box this week…but it somehow didn’t prepare me for what i saw when i opened the box. it was like CHRISTMAS!!

csa box 1 loot: red “cherriette” radishes, japanese white salad turnips, dinosaur kale, purple kohlrabi, strawberries, dried black beans, cilantro, broccoli, green curly leaf lettuce, baby spinach, garlic scapes & baby bok choi. eeek!

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not [perfect] yet.

i need to put this reminder in places that i will see it all day long. i need it to interrupt my thoughts & curb my fears. i need it to give me that little push…that little extra bit of courage.

quite honestly, i may be the queen of waiting until i have something polished, error-free, all figured out – “perfect,” if you will – before i’ll let myself believe that i can share it, ask for it, admit it, deserve it. wow – i said it. yikes.

what a shame, and what a waste to not share my thoughts, ideas, passion, fears, needs “in the moment” for fear of not being received, understood, loved, desired, encouraged, worthy. from the littlest to the biggest scenarios, this “not yet!” floating around in the back of my head has been given too much space. even this entry has been stalled by it. the topic’s been in my head for weeks (dare i say months?), but i couldn’t quite get it into well-formed, eloquent words, so i waited.

but i’m over it. i need to be over it. i need my dreams, my thoughts, my desires, my creativity, my voice back.

i’m not perfect. i never will be, nor do i even want to be.

i desperately want to live an honest, open life with all of it’s rough edges, grace & humility. god has put incredible people in my life to teach me, challenge me, process with me, encourage me, and i want my life to be an example of a life lived together. unfortunately, as i go about life holding back & feverishly trying to fix or create things on my own before i let anyone else in, i’m not honoring the lessons, wisdom, grace & gifts that these amazing people have to teach me, share with me & pray over me. it feels like i’m literally stealing blessings; robbing us of moments that God has intended specifically for us.

so tonight i sit here, typing away…trying to put words & cohesion to a thought in my head that i think is important enough to capture. something for me to look back on, to remind me, to encourage me.   it’s certainly not polished nor perfect…but it’s a start.

and i’m ok with that.